Sunshine through the frustrations

Days like today frustrate me to no end, but they are the days when I need to remember my blessings the most.  The day started out like any other day, woke up feeling tired, irritable and the kids were crabby.  Most days start out like this, I don't ever get enough sleep.  But the older two kids at least somewhat listen to me and do what I say, and if they don't, time-out is where they go.  My youngest, however, is a whole other story. 

He is the typical 18-month old and a boy, those two things do not go well together.  And today he was pushing the limits with me.  He doesn't listen at all, or pretends like he can't hear me, I haven't decided which one yet.  He climbs on the couches and chairs.  He jumps off the little play table and stands on the dining room table and plays with the chandelier.  He messes with the blinds and changes the channel on the TV with the remote.  He screams, bites his brother and sister, as well as pinches and hits.  This makes him sound like a horrible child, which he isn't.  He is also really loving.  He's just a boy and loves to push the boundaries and just generally loves being a little shit a lot of the time.  I can't really blame him sometimes, a lot of the stuff he does he has learned from his older siblings.  He is a VERY big mama's boy and sometimes I wonder if he pushes my buttons just to try to get my attention.  But because of his age, he does not quite understand the whole "time-out" situation yet.  We've tried a couple of times, but he just smiles and laughs. 

Today though, wow, he knew just how to push my buttons and I was getting BEYOND frustrated with him!  But I reminded myself, no matter how rotten he is, or how much he doesn't listen to me, that I am blessed to have him in my life!  Not a lot of people know this bit of information, because well, I don't really share it with people, but I could have lost him before he was born.  Heath was born 8 days early, thank goodness, and when he was born, he was born with what the medical people call a "true knot" in his umbilical cord.  Sometime while he was cooking he got him umbilical cord in a complete knot and tightened it.  It only happens in about 1% of all births, and it can be very dangerous.  It usually happens when they are either so little that it's easy for them to twist and turn to get themselves inside the knot loop or it happens when they are coming out of the birth canal.  It's hard to tell when it actually occurs in a particular pregnancy.  But if it happens well before birth, the baby runs the risk of tightening the knot with every move they make.  The tighter the knot, the less oxygen the baby receives.  If the baby is cut off from oxygen serious side effects can occur, worst of all would be death.  And if the knot occurs during birth, if birth takes too long the sames results could happen.  Our midwife told us we were very lucky, his knot appeared to be loose and he didn't show any signs of having oxygen loss.  ....We did, however, get a picture of the knot, just for remembering purposes.  We were blessed with a very healthy, and big, baby, but it scares me to think of the "what-ifs."  We were lucky!

So on days like today I try to remember that no matter how much he is pushing my buttons or getting on my nerves or making me mad because he's not listening to me, that he could have not been here at all.  Not matter how "bad" he is, I will always remember how lucky we are to have him in our lives and how grateful we are that his "situation" didn't turn out the other way around.  Because his smile lights up my life.  His hugs and kisses are the sweetest.  The way he signs for milk is adorable.  And the way he cuddles on my shoulder when he is tired makes my heart sing.  He has the sweetest blue eyes and the cutest blond, curly hair.  And I can't imagine not having any of that in my life.  Every frustrating moment with him is covered up by 50 happy moments with him and that's what I have to remember.  I have to put my frustration aside and remember that he is just learning how to navigate this life and he will tests my buttons, not just now, but when he's older too.  But I wouldn't trade that for anything, because I am lucky to have him in my life.  And lucky means a whole new thing for me now.  I am truly LUCKY to have him here, because things could have turned out differently.  He is my special boy, my sweetness.  And when I have more days like this in the future, because I know I will, I will continue to remind myself how blessed I am to have him in the first place; a happy, healthy and sweet little boy!